The Honey Badger

It was easily the most unpleasant and awkward dinner I’d ever been to. Melissa’s mom was absolutely from hell. In retrospect, I’m pretty sure she was drunk. Obviously Melissa and I were from very different socio-economic classes, but she was brutal the way she rubbed it in: I had gone WHERE to high school? PUBLIC school?? How… nice… but, wasn’t it awfully dangerous there? Did I really feel like it had prepared me for college? Oh NO, that’s the salad fork you poor thing, Melissa dear, please show him the dessert spoon!

I was pretty sure she’d had a face lift. And a boob job too.

Melissa’s brother and sister (both younger, but not that much younger) sat sullenly and mostly silently at the table. Her brother was kind of pudgy with greasy hair: I pegged him as a D&D geek. Her sister was short, with mousy brown hair and big tits. She looked down at her plate a lot and only spoke when spoken too. “DAHLING, won’t you PU-LEASE pass out guest some more of these delicious French peas?”

The funny thing was, I’m pretty sure most of the food had come straight out of a can. It sure tasted like it.

Her dad came in mid-meal, and he was even worse. He was 40-ish, heavy-set and balding, and obviously loaded. He clapped me on the back, and started bragging right away about his fancy car, the stocks and bonds he’d traded at work today, how attractive and sexy his wife was compared to the bimbos back at the office.

Melissa’s brother and sister excused themselves early from the table. Melissa and I stuck it out to the bitter end.

I’d been trying to bang her all semester, hitting on her hard enough to leave bruises, with little to show in the way of results. The fact was, I hadn’t gotten laid since… well, not for a really long time. Sometimes Melissa seemed to be flirting back, other times she seemed only distantly amused. So when she invited me back to her parent’s house over winter break, my cock pretty much tried to bust through my zipper in horny anticipation.

The house was an enormous and grotesque McMansion, located deep inside a subdivision in what had only recently been verdant farmland. It had a chandelier, an attached 3-car garage, central air, the works. The only think lacking was any semblance of taste.

After dinner, Melissa showed me to the guest bedroom. It looked a bit like a Sultan’s boudoir, all shag carpeting, mood lighting, and sateen sheets. Melissa told me that the bathroom adjoined hers, so if I needed privacy I should lock the door. Then she went to bed. Not so much as a goodnight peck.

I figured the odds of my getting laid that night were roughly on par with the odds of me winning Powerball. I decided to take a shower to wash the memories of that awful canned dinner from my flesh.

I have to say the shower was amazing. It was the kind that doesn’t have a shower stall, just a drain in the middle of the bathroom. Glass tiles, and three shower heads. And the water was as hot as I could stand it. It was great. I took a really long shower, finally relaxed a bit, and stood in the steamy bathroom toweling off, thinking that if I wasn’t going to get laid, at least I could whack off in the lap of luxury.

My cock was already thick and heavy. It didn’t take much petting to coax it fully erect. It was kind of hot to watch myself in the full-length mirror, as my dick grew bigger and harder, jutting straight up, the head swollen and purple, my balls drawn up tight as my own fist slid rhythmically up and down the shaft. It really was weirdly hot to watch: I’d never really seen myself masturbating before, and there I was, large as life.

I was close, I was really close to exploding when the bathroom door opened, and there was Melissa. “Oh! Oh my. Excuse me…” She had caught me mid-stroke, and I stood there in the bathroom, naked, cock in hand, eyes wide like a deer glancing up at an oncoming semi. “Well don’t stop on my account!” Dressed in flannel pajama bottoms and an oversized t-shirt, clearly with no bra on underneath, she looked sexy as all hell. I resumed what I had been doing, as she watched, fascinated.

It didn’t take long. Looking in the mirror, watching myself while I stroked my cock while Melissa watched was a delicious visual. I made a croaking noise, my butt squeezed, my back arched, and I exploded in a powerful orgasm, shooting an arc of semen halfway across the tiled floor.

When I was completely finished, she gave me an unreadable little half-smile. “That was kind of hot! I’d totally do you if I did guys. Now sleep tight, I’ll see you in the morning!”


I went to bed, exhausted from a long stressful day, and sexually sated, at least for now. I slid in between the sateen sheets (frankly kind of icky), and fell asleep hard.

…and was woken up an indeterminate amount of time later with a hand on my cock. Not my hand either.

It was Melissa’s little sister, who’s name I had forgotten as soon as we had been introduced, and continues to evade my memory. She continued fondling my dick (which was already hard and eager to go all over again) as I blinked my eyes and struggled up into wakefulness.

Her tits were big and bouncy as she slithered up my body to kiss me, her pussy leaving a wet trail up my thigh. She kissed my lips ravenously, her big soft boobs pressed up against my chest, reaching back to squeeze my hard cock again and again. I fondled her ass, and she giggled and rubbed her wet pussy against me.

From somewhere she produced a condom. She tore the wrapper open, winked at me, gave my erection a swift lick or two, and then rolled the condom down my shaft in one practiced motion.

She crawled over me, so her boobs were danging right in front of my face, grabbed my cock with one hand, and slowly, oh so very slowly, slipped it inside and lowered herself down. She was incredibly hot inside, hot and wet and slippery. Her pussy was framed with a neat bush of black hair, her nipples jutted out, her hair was wild. Setting the pace, she rode back and forth, up and down, grinning like a maniac all the while.

I wanted to come inside her, but even more than that I wanted to feel her come on me, so I held back with everything I had, biting my lower lips until I tasted blood. She was moving faster and faster, bouncing up and down, making sexy little noises that were rising in pitch, her tits shaking violently as she approached the point of no return.

“Sssso sssexy!” It was her mom, Melissa’s mother, standing framed in the doorway, looking downright frightening in a matching purple bra-and-pantie set. Dad was standing right behind her, wearing an improbable red and purple velvet bathrobe with Chinese dragons embroidered on it.

“That was one hell of a show kids,” he chortled. “Come on Honey, let’s show them how it’s done!”

My dick had gone soft the moment the bedroom door had swung open. Melissa’s sister clambered off me and removed the condom from my soft and shrunken dick. Now she was idly playing with my penis and her own pussy. Her head was turned, and I couldn’t see her face.

Melissa’s mom stripped out of her fancy lingerie. Her breasts looked like a pair of cut-in-half grapefruit, and not in a good way. Her pussy was shaved bare, which might be attractive on some women, but looked kind of grotesque on her. She lay flat on her back across from me, her legs splayed wide, her labia pouting open and drooling, tits pointed unnaturally straight up at the ceiling.

Dad let his bathrobe fall to the floor. He had a Burt Reynolds hairy chest, which contrasted in kind of an icky way with his waxed-clean pubic region. His cock jutted out in front of him like a battering ram. It was enormous, at least half again as big as my own, or even bigger. It looked scary. With one thrust he slid it up inside of his wife, and she grunted like she’d been punched in the stomach, and lifted up her legs, pointing her toes at the ceiling. They squelched obscenely as they fucked.

My dick was hard once again, thanks to Melissa’s sister’s efforts. She gave me a look that said “I don’t fucking know either”, and borrowed my hand, sliding my middle finger up inside her juicy pussy as she played with her own clit.

I finger-fucked Melissa’s sister as her parents fucked six inches away from us. She brought herself to an orgasm, kissing me hard on the lips as she rubbed her clitoris. I could feel the muscles inside her pussy pulsating on my finger as she came. It was pretty satisfying.

Dad flipped Mom over so she was facing us on all fours. Her hair looked freshly coiffed, but her eye makeup was smeared and running. His scary cock stood straight out from his beer belly, covered in his wife’s wetness. “Watch this, I’m going to wreck her rectum,” he announced, and proceeded to cram that ridiculous thing up her ass. It took a while, and a little grunting and whimpering and grimacing from her, but he got it in, in the end, and proceeded to fuck her with deep, pounding strokes.

Meanwhile, my own orgasm was evading me. Melissa’s sister was earnestly trying to get me off with her mouth and hand, but it wasn’t taking me anywhere. As her Mom and Dad’s cries became louder and more desperate and animalistic, I gently moved her aside, and started masturbating.

“That’s it Baby Doll,” Mom said in between her husband’s thrusts, “Play with his balls. Boys love that.”

Melissa’s sister was playing with my balls, which felt heavenly, but that wasn’t all she had for me. Very gently, she insinuated a wet finger in to my anus, pushing me straight over the edge.

Her parent’s cries were reaching their crescendo, but they might as well have been in the next county as I jerked off with Melissa’s little sister licking my testicles and fingering my asshole. I exploded harder than I think I ever had before, enough to make me see stars, my body clenching from toes to ears, with everything in between spasming sympathetically.

Melissa’s sister gently extracted her finger, and gave me a little kiss on the cheek. Then she disappeared out the bedroom door, leaving me alone in bed with her vigorously copulating parents.

I took the coward’s way out: I slunk as quickly as I could into the bathroom and turned on the shower, and didn’t come out again until quite a while after the last of the sex noises has quieted down from the guest bedroom.

Breakfast the next morning was an awkward, silent affair.

On the long, dull drive back to school later on that day, Melissa told me “Thank you for coming out. I know my family is pretty weird, but I hope you’ll come visit again at spring break.”

I most certainly would.



  1. Jimmy said

    Great to see your writing this summer, Elsie dahling!

  2. David said

    I love the flat-out tackiness, perfect for the surprise performance. It made me want an extended version bringing out the character of each individual in that great way you do.

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